


Oh Now, Holding This Pain

by FestusGirl



Category: Magnus Chase and the Gods of Asgard - Rick Riordan
Genre: Angst, Flashbacks, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Past Abuse, Song Lyrics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-17
Updated: 2020-11-17
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:15:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27607520
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FestusGirl/pseuds/FestusGirl
Summary: The backstory behind Alex's tattoo (trigger warning: mentions of mental and physical abuse, please don't read if that triggers you/makes you feel uncomfortable)
Kudos: 12





	Oh Now, Holding This Pain

**Author's Note:**

> soooo this is actually a oneshot i wrote a while ago for a challenge on ffn, but i like this oneshot, so i felt like i should post it here too hehe. for the challenge i could use some bonus prompts, one of them being lyrics from _i write sins not tragedies_ by panic! at the disco, so yeah, that's why that's there if you were wondering lol.
> 
> anyways, characters belong to rick riordan and the title was inspired by dreamcatcher's _deja vu_

It was a just another Sunday evening and Alex was walking around the streets of Boston. At least, that's what it would seem like to anyone that took a quick glance at her. They didn't know anything that had been going on in her life the last few hours. How could they?

Alex quickened her pace, she wanted to put as much distance between her and that awful house. To even think that she'd once lived there with those horrible people. It had surprised her how long it had taken to run away, seeing as every day had been a living nightmare. Every night she had new dreams of her father abusing her in some kind of way, his touch still ghosting her skin.

_'Why can't you just be normal, huh? Is it that hard to just be like everyone else?'_

_Alex could feel the anger bubbling inside her. It was always the same, and every day she had to put up with it._

_'I_ am _normal,' she snarled. 'It's just you who seems to have a problem with me being who I am.'_

_Her father looked at her, and Alex could see the shock in his eyes. She never talked back, because she knew what he'd to to her, but now she couldn't take it anymore._

_'Don't talk back to me_ _,' her father hissed._

_His words made Alex realise what she'd done, and fear overtook her just as the pain started._

_Everything had happened so quick, and she'd been distracted by the fear of what she'd done, that she didn't have the time to move aside or even grab onto anything. Before she could even process what was going on, her father's hands were on her shoulders, pushing her off balance._

_She was falling, each step hitting her harder than the last, just like all the nasty things her father had said to her her whole life. Over the years, Alex had gotten used to the beating, the hitting, and all of his ugly words, but this was something she'd never experienced before._

_She held in her screams, because she knew that was exactly what her father wanted to hear, and just wondered in agony when it would be over. Then just as quick as it had started, Alex found herself in a heap at the bottom of the staircase._

'He threw me down the stairs,' _she thought to herself._ 'That he would do that to his own daughter...'

_But even throwing his child down the stairs wasn't enough for him, as Alex got pots thrown at her head. Between the thudding in her head, and the horrible aching of her body, all Alex could take in was her father yelling at her for what seemed like forever, and it ending with him kicking her out._

She looked up in the sky, and noticed that the sun had already started rising. She'd been walking all night, and hadn't even realised it. She'd obviously been too busy thinking about the events that had happened a few hours previously.

Her father had actually thrown her down a whole flight of stairs and Alex thanked the stars that she hadn't even broken anything. The thudding in her head was most likely a concussion, but thankfully that was all.

She walked around the busy streets for the rest of the day, only ever stopping to take food out of her backpack. It was when the sun was starting to set, that Alex wondered where she would even go now that she didn't have a roof over her head. She'd probably have to go to a homeless shelter if she wanted to have somewhere safe enough to sleep.

After walking around for a bit longer, she found a shelter that would have to do until she found something better.

Alex used to always think that homeless people lived in cardboard boxes, that that was their house. Just like when you'd use a big box from some kind of package your parents had received to make a playhouse that could entertain you for a few days. But obviously, there were plenty of shelters for homeless people where there was a proper roof above your head, and a mattress to sleep on.

Now that she was homeless herself, she laughed at the thought of trying to fit into a small cardboard box. Of course she'd be able to shift into a smaller form, but that was just a 'luxury' she'd gotten from her mother.

Loki hadn't been a great parent either, what else could you expect from a god? But other than just being an absent mother, she used her power to take controle over Alex's body, as a way of playing evil tricks. As Alex fell asleep, memories of Loki's presence filled her mind.

_Alex_ _wanted to run, run into a safer room and hide from his father. But when he tried moving his legs, he found himself glued to the spot, he couldn't move a muscle. Loki._

_Alex had known his mother was Norse god for only a few months, but he'd already learnt some of the things she could do with her powers. She could manipulate Alex's body, and take over his senses. So when his father angrily walked over to him with a belt in his hand, Alex could do nothing._

_Every time the belt hit him, it was as if he could hear Loki's evil laughter inside his head. But he didn't know whether it was actually his mother, or a delusion from the pain._

Alex woke up in a cold sweat. She started thinking about how no matter what she did, she'd never be able to escape them. But then a new thought sparked. _'No, it's much better to face these kinds of things with a sense of poise and rationality.'_

Memories of her parents would taunt her forever, whether she liked it or not. But from now on she could change everything else however she wanted, because for the first time she was free. And she'd learn to resist Loki. Her father wouldn't be able to touch her anymore, and her mother would never controle her again. Because from now on, she'd put herself higher than her parents.

Alex closed her eyes and focused on morphing her skin into the form she felt was right. It was only the slightest change in her appearance, but it would symbolise the changes she was going to make in her life from then on. Satisfied, Alex traced her fingers over the back of her neck, where the sign of Loki was now tattoed. _Yes, this felt right._

**Author's Note:**

> thank you so much for reading, hope you enjoyed!


End file.
